Friday, 02 September 2011

• Constellations

  Constellations
  
  Right now I can hear some kind of bug clicking away in the tree next to me.  I don't know what it is, but it sounds like a door creaking slowly open as a serial killer comes in to claim my precious virgin bosoms.  This doesn't really set me at ease because these bosoms are like, primotaglio.  Grade A virgin organic meat bosoms.  Top shelf beef product.  The kind of bosoms that you splurge for at the company picnic because you want your bosom sandwiches to really impress the secretary.
  
  Anyway; I'm out back.  On my patio.  Looking up at the stars.
  
  I'm currently in JP's weird foldy chair that I'm convinced is about ten seconds away from collapsing in on me and breaking my spine.  I think this is probably one of the last few warm summer nights, so I'm willing to risk permanent paralysis, but if I turn into a vegetable and die I demand that someone also cripple my boyfriend and throw him in my tomb.
  
  Aside from the serial killer bosom cricket, the world is completely silent.  Scott is in Loveland nursing his band, Josh is in Denver doing some fashion show, and I woke up on the couch after falling asleep waiting for anyone to come home to entertain me.  Generally this is pretty poor fucking news, but tonight I get the rare opportunity to kick back in this lazy death chair, soak up the darkness of the sky and the brightness of Cassiopeia, and genuinely appreciate the dying days of the season that holds my heart.  So it wasn't a total loss.
  
  Also I get to type all of this on my pagan-magic no-chord keyboard, sending little letters into my fancy new 'large iphone' ipad2 as if I were a medieval poem sorcerer.  Technology!
  
  So the last month was August.  Here are some things that happened:
  
  MY BIRTHDAY
  Which involved roughly four straight days of drinking with JP, Josh, Bryan and Nick.  Included were a wonderful evening of heels and booze at my house, a huge night in Boulder with all my straight friends, a splendid day at Waterworld in the tiniest of tiny shorts, and a whole Sunday spent driving up to Loveland to scoot around on jet skis.  Top it off with a few nights of huge drunken binges at the gayest clubs denver can provide and you got yourself a good 27th birthday.  I also ran drunk and forehead-first into the corner of the bathroom wall, giving me a bruise that still hasn't gone away.  I told everyone it was a jet ski accident, so if you read this DON'T SAY A FUCKING THING.
  
  WATER WORLD
  Speaking of Water World, I've barely gone 5 times this summer.  I largely blame this on Josh only being able to go on Sundays and JP not being able to buy a season pass.  So fuck those two for completely ruining my summer, I hate them and wish them the best in hell.
  
  WORK
  On account of landing two large deals with HP and Microsoft, I've been more or less in a good state of panic for more than an entire month.  We have a new release to one of the two every single week, usually including a handful of bug fixes followed by testing that generally finds more bugs and leaves about four hours for everything to get wrapped up and sent out.  Darren and Chris have been godsends in helping me deal with all the stress, and it's nice to feel so driven, but being in constant crisis mode really makes for a tiring eight hours.
  
  HAIRCUTS
  Now done exclusively by Joshua Lorenzen.  While getting my haircut with Thomas was nice, I always felt the burden of taking up the time of someone who is extremely busy with 400 dollar dye jobs.  So instead I'm having this completely washed up high school dropout take scissors to my elderly locks, luckily he happens to be my best friend so I can just pay him in 'not poopin on his bed' coupons.
  
  THE RUBINO SISTERS
  So there exists two girls in Boulder named Jessica and Amanda Rubino.  They have made a name for themselves by flipping over tables at Centro and having the cops called on them repeatedly - think Paris and Nicki in a tiny white town.  For a greater part of the last few months Josh would come with tales about hanging out with them, to which I would roll my eyes and go 'ugh, the spoiled old money brats of boulder again?' because sometimes I'm a huge asshole like that.  But secretly I was harboring the jealousy of not having them fawn over me too, because come on, Josh and I come as a pair.  Long story short, after having hung out with the two of them on my birthday, I'm completely smitten; they're wild and bitchy and drink like sailors and dance like starlets and when the four of us are together I feel like royalty.  So.  Cheers to misconceptions being totally wrong, the two of them complete a small part of my world.
  
  JAMES PRESTON SLEEGER
  My boyfriend.  The guy who repeatedly makes me realize that sometimes things work out in life for the better and that you really gotta soak them up when they do.  We hit our one year mark this month and spent an entire day doing all the little things we've loved doing over the year, including playing games in the park and drinking tons of margaritas, going to sushi, playing dorky games, and chilling out in coffee stores that reek of hookah.  Mostly just laying next to each other, letting all our electrons bounce into and off of the other, holding his torso next to mine and feeling his heart and lungs pulsing into my body.  I love him to depths that freak me out sometimes.
  
  JOSH & SCOTT
  I'm living another year with the two gentlemen who have more or less filled a void in my life that I didn't know I had.  Sitting on this dark silent backyard patio and looking into our living room I feel like I have a home.  The glowing lights on the walls reminding me of all the nights we spend together on the couch talking about our love lives, the white stained carpet reminding me of all the times I've fallen asleep on the ground while the two of them take pictures of me, our unlit kitchen where I've scraped my hands open on the ceiling while wearing heels more times then I'd like to count.  I don't know what I did to get the those boys in my life, but when I'm 80 and look back at these years I'm sure I'll be doing it with a huge smile, hopefully still next to the two of them.  In rollerblades.
  
  AND THAT IS IT
  Because this monstrous book has appropriately approximated the month where I found myself far too busy to blog.  Special shootouts go out to the Jeffs and their lovely cocktail parties, Scott Murphy and his fantastic camera, all the Queer Gents that make PropGay so lovely, my family who all celebrated our August birthdays while camping with love I can't describe, and Alice who I give entirely too much shit but who is always a blast to have around, even when it's half naked in a towel like a disgusting whore.

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